10/31/07
Samhain - 2007
- Thoughts on the Train -
Though I’m waxing agnostic, I must admit that life is better for me when I sit, when I still, when I pray. Whether anyone is listening or not seems immaterial. Perhaps our evolved, mutated brain and its curious half wakefulness that is consciousness does better when it believes that tribe and clan extend into the clouds – into the mystery. There beyond life we hope are our ancestors sitting with a being more loving, more intelligent than our brightest human aspirations.
I no sooner proclaim agnostic tax exempt status for myself when I notice coincidences in nature. Or at least opportunities for some sort of connection to something deeper, some life force that is perhaps more science and biology than theology. I stop typing agnostic ramblings and go to the bathroom… I look up out the small window precisely as a hawk cuts like a dart through the air above me. But also through the flesh and ribs of my chest. Whether the hawk notices me or not, I notice. I connect with the mystery even if only briefly.
And I guess that’s the crux of being agnostic. Is anyone or anything beyond humanity actually listening, speaking, or in relation with us? I’m betting it is more likely that there is extraterrestrial life than there is a god in the narrowly defined image of the white man we created. I really want to be wrong. I want a relationship with my father. He is biologically alive in my flesh and blood through our shared genetic inheritance. But is there consciousness at the cellular level? He is alive in my memory, but I want more. I want my father to look out for me, I want my father to stop by for a beer, a bowl of ice cream and to see his wonderful grandsons. There is the hole in my heart I want to fill – my own sadness and loss around my father made painfully alive by the thought of how he would have loved them and how their lives would be better for knowing him. An ongoing relationship with my father, prayer and conversation with those who have gone before or some other(s), brings meaning to my life.
But as a newly initiated agnostic (there is no ceremony, no one comes to welcome you into this church) the thought that prayer is a one way conversation leads me away from the practice more often than not. However, and back to the point, my day is better, my temperament better when I pray, when I talk to other whether in my father, nature or some deified conglomerate entity.
I know there have been studies on the brainwaves of both monastics and practitioners of meditation and prayer. Without knowing the details, the short of it is that their brain activity and brain waves change. I would bet those who believe or seek stillness report what I experience when I do the same. More space to accommodate the chaos in life. A greater sense of connectedness to fellow humans. More joy. I’m tempted to read up on these studies, but then I realize what am I trying to prove? What I already know? That I’m happier when I slow down, incorporate ritual, stillness and invoke relationship with something and someone greater than myself.
Conan Malone
2 comments:
Samhain or Samhuin (Sowen)is the original Celtic holiday tied into the solar calendar marking the transition between summer and winter. It is said to be the Celtic New Year and a time of divination, rembrance and Halloween, costumes and trick-or-treating derives from Celtic (and other traditions) offerings to and communion with the dead.
I just saw an incredible show on Frontline. Go to Pbs.org and look up the show called The Undertaking. Documentary of a family of funeral directors - Mr. Lynch happens also to be a poet and story teller and captures wonderfully much of the experience - "we need to help the dead get to where they need to go and the living to where they need to be."
Post a Comment